As luck would have it, I am working from home today. Thanks to a mishap with my toilet, I needed to call a plumber to repair the flush on my throne. It is a far more efficient idea than the temporary practise of flushing with a bucket of water. This allowed me to sit in my pyjamas and plot my strategy.

In recent months I have been given new responsibilities at work. I never requested these – they were bestowed upon me involuntarily. And in time honoured management fashion it was deemed unnecessary to train me on these new tasks. I suspect that this is because no-one else really knows what they are doing either.

With the dull cunning of a devious slug, I trawled through my old emails and found an old presentation given by a colleague on a similar topic some months ago. I then opened some spreadsheets relevant to the issue at hand and I pressed ‘copy and paste.’

During the presentation I assumed a confident manner and I started speaking. As though I knew what I was talking about. A few little jokes. A very mildly controversial statement about the project. Many buzz words like ‘strategy’ and ‘mitigation’ and even a cheeky ‘granular thinking’). Clearly I didn’t go into detail, and certainly not into facts. I made soothing noises and commented about things being on track and under control.

I have no idea whether I have made any undeliverable commitments. I am just hoping that no-one was listening to my speech in too much detail and are comfortable that things are under control. Who knows? They might be.

Come see my play by the way. Running from Tuesday 28.08 to Saturday 01.09 at the Pearse Centre at .

Tickets AVAILABLE HERE.