I have spoken previously about my revulsion at the bastardization of the English language to suit the requirements of marketing companies and the text-speak generation. Particularly when it comes to food establishments.
About how certain words send an icy chill of irrational rage down my spine. How I will never darken the door of any café or restaurant that styles itself as an ‘eatery’. Regardless of how totes delish the menu is. Obvs.
How any indoor restaurant that pretends to serve ‘street food’ – despite said food being cooked and served indoors to the same health and safety standards as any other restaurant – gives me conniptions.
About how this repugnant trend spreading its malicious tentacles to bars – some of whom now style themselves as ‘drinkeries’. How inevitable it is that these toxic establishments are too cowardly to go the whole hog and call their toilets ‘shitteries’. I guess this doesn’t fit in with the fake branding these places are trying.
However I may have had an epiphany over the weekend.
I was out buying a litre of milk in my local shoppery (supermarket) when I noticed that there is a new dining venue about to open, very close to where I live. None other than a branch of Boojum Burritos. This is a fast food chain, selling Mexican-styled junk food, that tries to fashion itself as being somewhat more upmarket than Supermacs. It is beloved of the wretched lifestyle website ‘Lovin’ Dublin’ (that appalling site that pretends paid adverts are non-biased, independent reviews – the truth of course being that if Lovin’ Dublin endorses a place, you can bet your bottom dollar that a cash bribe has been paid. Allegedly.)
Boojum Burritos is sort of a typical café for my neighbourhood. I live in the Financial District in the city centre – a sparkly, glass neighbourhood that houses banks and insurance companies and employs millennials in their thousands. The type of people who read Lovin’ Dublin and eat at Boojum Burritos.
This new Boojums is located between two other establishments. The first being the Broadway Eatery (which to my shame I entered once, purely in the interests of research) which is a glorified burger bar. Nothing wrong with burgers of course – they can be the food of the gods. But a burger bar that describes itself as an eatery is clearly a place with deep notions about itself.
Another neighbour of the new Boojums is a place called ‘Kyoto’. I have not been here yet. I think the fact that it describes its menu as ‘Asian Street Eats’ in lurid neon is a little off putting. Street Eats? What is that meant to mean.
But then suddenly I had a brainwave. A moment of genius. A spark of inspiration. I may have taken a turn towards the dark side. The relentless onslaught of marketing and brand speak may have finally conquered me.
I have a new eating concept. A new branding opportunity.
Ladies and gentleman. I give you the latest in twenty-first century dining.
Welcome to the ‘StrEatery’ – an eatery that specialises in street food. I must take out a copyright on this concept. It could totes change the way I live my life, and yours. Forever.