Laden down with meat


It’s all very jolly at work today. There’s a party atmosphere. Nobody seems to be too motivated to actually do anything.

There are festive mince pies for the staff on the filing cabinet beside my desk. I didn’t bring them to work myself of course. The fact that they are sitting there is in an invitation to graze. I have to concentrate to keep my hand by my side to stop myself from reaching for another.

The journey to work was brief once the bus finally arrived, thirty five minutes late. As the driver was wearing a Santa hat I relaxed my lips – which had been pursed with disapproval at the tardiness of the vehicle. I had arrived early – on purpose – as I wanted to leave early today to get the  train to Limerick.

The bus was empty. Beyoncé is on her school holidays meaning that Bruiser was also absent. As were my usual daily bus cronies. I hope they are all having a wonderful break with their families. And I hope that they are all given bath sets as gifts so that certain ones among them are less pungent in the new year.

I arrived at about 9.15 – logged on to my computer; gulped down a cup of coffee and called round to my colleague. Back on went my jacket. Off to the butcher shop we went. To collect the organic turkey and ham we were given as a  Christmas.

The boned and rolled turkey – that’s a term that we in the meat business use to describe a turkey that has had its skeleton removed – weighs 5 kilos.. I have named him Bob.

The suitcase which I bought to work with me this morning is now stuffed full of meat, to bring home with me.

At 11am there was a goodbye speech for Mouthbreather. On the journey to the butcher my colleague told me how happy she was to see the back of Mouthbreather who she always  found to be a poisonous, potato faced misery guts. She told me that the people at her side of the office were all silently cheering when they heard she was moving to pastures new.

So it wasn’t just me. That is such a relief

The collection for the goodbye gift has raised the grand total of seventeen euros. Which is a rather paltry figure for a company which employs over one hundred people. I suspect the managers may will inflate the figure somewhat.

At  the presentation she wept fake tears and said that she would miss everyone. My face was frozen in a rictus grin. I felt it would have looked inappropriate if I had started pumping my fist with joy.

I made a contribution to the gift though. Having written a  very bland farewell comment in the card, I made the gesture of putting some coin in the envelope. The fact that the coin I left was a two cent coin is irrelevant. It may be deeply petty. But it felt good.

I leave work at one – and I’m being dropped at the station for the four pm train to Limerick.

Tomorrow I will start my Christmas shopping – nothing like a bit of last minute blind terror to motivate myself.

It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.



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